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Pointless lists(you love it anyway)
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> The Road to Enlightenment - The Teachings of Zen
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
> of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path
> is narrow. In fact, just f..k off and leave me alone.
>
> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan
> belt and a flat tire.
>
> 3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going
> to steal your neighbor's milk, that's the time to do it.
>
> 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't
> getting any.
>
> 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't
> be promoted.
>
> 6. No one is listening until you fart.
>
> 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
>
> 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
> 9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try
> missing a couple of mortgage payments.
>
> 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
> their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
> away and you have their shoes.
>
> 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
>
> 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
> to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
>
> 13. If you lend someone and never see that person again,
> it was probably worth it.
>
> 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
> anything.
>
> 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the
> windshield.
>
> 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
>
> 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
> comes from bad judgment.
>
> 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
> and put it back in your pocket.
>
> 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
> 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a
> dark side, and it holds the universe together.
>
> 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
> works.
>
> 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips
> are moving.
>
> 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you
> need it.
>
>
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No cheating!
>
> Pick your dessert , then look to see. Take this cake personality test,
> then send this e-mail on to others. When you send this e-mail on, put
your
> dessert in the subject box above.
>
> ALSO...SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU!
>
> If you were having a dessert and you had your choice of the
> following...which would you choose?
> Angel food
> Brownies
> Lemon Meringue Pie
> Vanilla cake with Chocolate Icing
> Strawberry Short Cake
> Chocolate on Chocolate cake
> Ice Cream
> Carrot Cake
>
> OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about
you!
>
>
> NO..... you can't change your mind once you scroll down! So think
carefully,
> what your choice will be!!!
>
>
>
>
> Angel food .. Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A
> little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of
> the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.
>
> Brownies.. You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of
underdogs
> and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your sabre..
> You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humour and direction.
You
> tend to be very loyal.
>
> Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an
> excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk
and
> chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many
> friends.
>
> Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very
> grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation.
> Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others
> should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.
>
> Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other
people
> and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be
> overly-emotional and annoying at times.
>
> Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very
> creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You
> have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take
> chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
>
> Ice Cream.... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football,
basketball,
> or soccer. If you could, you would like to
> participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the
> remote control.. You tend to be self-centred and high maintenance.
>
> Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You
are
> fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very
> warm-hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal
> friends.
>
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Karen made this..isnt she awesome? |
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Some old ones and new ones...
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ... so I said "Implants?"
4. I don't do drugs anymore... I get the same effect just standing up fast.
5. I have my own little world. But it's OK ... they know me here.
6. I got a sweater for Christmas... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
7. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
8. I don't approve of political jokes .. I've seen too many of them get elected.
9. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and the Shithead's.
10. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
11. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
12. ! Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
13. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
14. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool
15. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
16. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
17. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
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